How Your Mommy Lied to You Many Times. No, Really.

by Rhea Vitto Tabora

"No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you’re the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside.”

I love you SO much. Much more than I love myself.

But I must admit - I have lied to you. And baby, I might continue doing it until you are old. Until when exactly? I have no idea!

Here’s how I have lied to you:

1. I slept well. You were a very active baby, even when you sleep. When we lay down after a long day, my exhausted body transforms into a punching bag when you start kicking your legs or stretching your arms. I was no longer surprised to see another bruise on my legs or arms the next day.

2. I am fine. When you were a baby, sleeping for four hours was one of my biggest struggles. The moment my back hits the bed at night, I could always feel the bed sucking my last straw of energy. Back then, I thought I could describe tiredness better than Webster. But despite the late nights, I always acted with full energy the next day. I had to wake up early to go to work and even though your dad was around, I wanted to attend to your needs when I got home in the evening. I was tired and starving and sleepy - but with you in my arms, all I could feel was love. Yeah, I was always on night vigil. But boy, I've learned to ignore the watch; I just stared at your face.   

3. I am full. I thought that last piece of bread was mine, but when you said with a big grin that you wanted one more, then, by all means, you can have that. I wanted it too, like a small child (haha!), but never mind.

4. I was not afraid. When you recently asked for permission if you can remove the balancer of your bike, we said yes, and that your dad and I will just keep a watchful eye until you get your balance. It wasn’t true, my dear. My heart skipped two beats, the way it did when you stumbled on your first walk. When you accidentally hurt yourself, I hugged you and told you it was okay, you will be fine in a minute. But I was anxious. I felt your pain. No, I want to absorb all the pain! It was just a slight bump, but what if you were hurt badly? What if you had a concussion? What if… what if…. Ahh, now I realize how true it is that when you become a mom, you had to deal with many fears you never knew existed.  

5. I love playing basketball. I love watching the game, but not playing. No, never! I was never the sporty type anyway. And I don't even know how to properly dribble a ball! You’re the one teaching me now how to play the game. The truth is, I really don’t love playing basketball. But I love doing it with you. You are extremely happy playing the game, and I am happy playing with you.

6. I am upset when you cry for no reason. Not true. Because it breaks my heart whenever I see you cry.  You seldom shed a tear. You’re a happy baby. You never had tantrums. I think that’s why I am not used to seeing you cry.

7. I have a deadline; I need to finish this. You have always been on top of my list, baby. You are my everything. I will stop doing my things, look you in the eyes when you approach me, or give you a big hug, or even play with you. I am Superwoman, you know. And well, okay, Wonderwoman too! 

8. I cannot be your girlfriend. You’ve said it more than a hundred times – I will be your one and only girlfriend, for life. You always cry when I say I am your mom, I am daddy’s wife, and you will meet and have a true girlfriend when you get older. Not true, my dear. I want to be your mom, your best friend, your lifelong girlfriend, your one and only girl. Wait until your future wife reads this and maybe I will lie again.

9. I don’t lie. I never did, until I became a mom. But these are white lies. And I will most probably continue to do so for as long as I live. Because I will do anything in my power to protect you, to love you, to keep you away from harm. I may not be a perfect mom - maybe far from it, but I’m doing the best I can. I want to be the champion for you. 

I am a mom. And I will love and protect you forever. 

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